What matters is your definition. So this book will try to help you to wise up to how best to find a guy like that and build a relationship with a guy like that. Because I can help you to avoid guys like me — and all the players who will make your search for the right guy impossible, because they will all be distractions on the road to true love. He may cheat on you; he may lie to you; he may occasionally do all the things that players are guilty of.
He would at least have the good grace to be ashamed of himself. Which brings me to the nub of why I wrote this book. I have daughters of my own today, as do all my friends who are also big players. So this book is dedicated to my three beautiful daughters. Daddy loves you. They say girls end up dating and marrying the boys who are in some respects like their fathers. Some of it was probably from their own mothers, other women, maybe Oprah, Dr Phil, the church, their friends — everything that could possibly have had an influence on them.
How many of these books are willing to challenge the comfortable truths about relationships and openly discuss the less palatable aspects of why we keep walking into relationships that chew us up and spit us out? Those lies cause personal pain and anguish so strong that you can be suffering in silence so profoundly you will feel as if your heart wants to collapse into a black hole.
I hope you enjoy and learn from the uncomfortable truths I will be sharing in this book. You might be offended by some of the things you read here. It may even be part of the process of you wising up. The first person who probably gave you relationship advice was your mom — or the person closest to being a mom for you. Children always learn best by example, and the example your mom set when she interacted with whoever that special man was taught you either good or bad ways of behaving in a relationship.
The hard part is figuring out which of these things were good or bad; which were worth keeping and building on and which are you better off not trying to emulate? So much of it could be hardwired into you — either by being exposed to so much of how you saw her behave, or because you share so many genes with your mom and are a biological extension of her the whole nature vs nurture debate. They say we spend all our younger years trying so hard to not be like our parents, and then we grow up to become so much like them, especially after we get kids of our own.
None of that needs to be predetermined or cast in stone though. Every person has every choice in the world available to them on how to behave. If I were to have pointed it out, I doubt they would have been pleased to hear it. Having known their mothers, I immediately picked up on the telltale traits. I often see so many similarities to my own mom in my sister.
The results can be wonderful, just as they can be frustrating. The one trait that most moms wish their daughters will develop is the ephemeral quality of being a lady. A gentleman, by my reckoning, is someone who tries, at all times, to make the experience of others better simply because he is around. He is friendly, polite, well mannered and helpful.
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At all times, he tries to make the world a better place in numerous small, but significant ways. And society would be the worse for it if every man thought it was fine to fart whenever he felt like it.
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To me, a lady is much the same. I say that most moms would like their daughters to be ladies. Cross your legs. Men respect ladies, yes, and men also want their women to act like ladies at all times — but ladies also have wild, outrageous sex. When the bedroom door closes, no man has time for crossed legs or talking softly; we want you to suck our manhood and moan and scream our names. You might have not seen your mom behave that way, because hopefully you never saw her having sex.
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Your mom might not have given you chapter and verse of the Kama Sutra but every man will appreciate it if it turns out you memorised and internalised it on your own. They call it Adult World for a reason. Some things you can only discover on your own. Behind it all, behind all the madness and the heartbreak, is sex.
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The human sex drive is one of the most powerful personal forces that each of us will ever have. Even if your own sex drive is not strong or stopped being so at one point , keep in mind that most people do need sex and their natural imperative can express itself in all sorts of ways, good and bad — but express itself it will. But guys are not entirely shallow either. We also want to be loved, adored and cherished and to give that to others in return. She was, of course, right.
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Apparently, nearly forty percent of the internet consists of porn, which, if you think about it, is astounding. And right next to that is a seemingly limitless trove of people having sex and being watched by people who wish they were having sex. And relationships that have started with sex have sometimes ended with marriages that have lasted for more than fifty years, just as so much puppy love has ended after one unsatisfying sexual encounter between two people or just one of them who had no idea what they were doing.
Anyone can be good at sex, and everyone should be good at it. Every black person who has called America home has existed in one of these three states. Frederick Douglass endured them all and spoke to these unique human conditions while demanding complete black inclusion in the American experiment. With his autobiography, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass , published in , Douglass provided arguably the most influential slave narrative.
Born in Maryland in , the son of a slave mother and a white father, possibly his owner, Douglass escaped bondage by fleeing North. Through his vivid portrayals of brutality, the severing of familial bonds and mental torture, he documented the iniquity of the peculiar institution and disproved the Southern propaganda of the happy slave. Douglass rose to prominence in the abolitionist movement, partly due to his personal experience of having lived as chattel, but also he knew how to enrapture an audience. One observer described him as strikingly memorable.
Particularly relevant today, Douglass leaves behind a blueprint for challenging racism. In August , President Abraham Lincoln invited black leaders to the White House to sell them on the idea of black immigration out of the country. Douglass was not always successful in changing the mind of a president.
He died in , but his spirit in standing before white supremacy and calling it by its name remains. As a researcher and surgeon, Dr. Charles Drew revolutionized the understanding of plasma, the liquid portion of blood without cells. As a young man, Drew was an exceptional athlete, starring in football, baseball, basketball and track and field at Washington, D.
His research established protocols on how blood should be collected and refrigerated, how donors should be recruited and screened, and training methods for people who would collect and test blood. Even so, the U.
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He died in at the age of 45 in a car accident in Burlington, North Carolina, while returning from a clinic at Tuskegee Institute in Today, according to the Red Cross, there are Attentive to both sides of the color line, Du Bois provided the most cogent explanation why whites to this day rebuff interracial political alliances even when sharing economic interests with people of color. In Black Reconstruction in America , published in , Du Bois observed that working-class whites receive the psychological wage of whiteness.
Du Bois also wrote incisively on the black condition , including the observation that blacks have a double consciousness. One ever feels his two-ness, — an American, a Negro; two souls, two thoughts, two unreconciled strivings; two warring ideals in one dark body, whose dogged strength alone keeps it from being torn asunder. This is the legacy of Du Bois — a veritable library of works that were essential reading the moment he finished them because they spoke to the issues of the day and yet speak just as loudly now.
Just as soul music and Motown provided the aspirational soundtrack for the s civil rights movement, swing music furnished the upwardly-mobile score for the mids Harlem Renaissance. An economical pianist and canny orchestra leader, music seemed to pour from the D. That Ellington was able to manage such a crackerjack touring orchestra while composing hundreds of topflight tunes is testament to his genius and industry. In death as in life, he is the embodiment of jazz. Curtsies are absolutely appropriate.
Aretha Franklin is undisputed when it comes to pouring gospel-inflected, bluesy wails of love-gone-wrong lyrics over country-fried—yet-pop tracks. She plucked her Pentecostal pipes from the pulpit and applied them to a secular sound, giving us Sunday morning righteousness on any given Saturday night. Fifty years ago, the daughter of popular Detroit Baptist minister C. Franklin scored a No. All these years later, the single still resonates. But Franklin is bigger than one track. Few can hold a candle to her four-octave range — many have tried, some have come close, but no one has managed to sustain and strike quite the way Franklin has.
All hail the Queen. For decades, a belief has taken hold among guitarists — to prove your ability, you must pay homage to Jimi Hendrix.
His live performances were at times distractingly sloppy, his guitar tone ear-piercing. If that meant playing long, solo-intensive songs illustrating the savageness of war, then so be it. By the time of his death in , Hendrix had so thoroughly changed musical perceptions that even jazz legends such as Miles Davis and Gil Evans were taking cues from him. He leaped effortlessly from metallic fury to gossamer balladry and jazzy excursions.
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